2012 has been a year of abundant growth for me. Id like to say I've outgrown my old britches and need a pair of loose adjustable overalls in the meantime. If my life could walk around in the nude...that would be a lot easier too...no restraints.
In honor of 2012, here are 12 events that have helped me grow, outgrow and purge my life to prepare for not just 2013, but for the rest of my life.
I started my year by speaking to a spiritual reader. Now, this is not just some "psychic hotline" type of stuff. She has a gift for seeing beyond what the average eye can see. While I was in Cleveland for a business trip, I spent almost 2 hours on the phone with her learning what would evolve in my life over the next several months. She even told me who my spirit guide/guardian angel is...by name. After a little research about my family, the name she gave me was my great grandmother. Amazing!! She spoke of me taking control of my life, being in a position where I will gain money and power. She said I would marry and most of all...that I should acknowledge myself as the LIGHT WORKER that I am. What is a light worker you ask? Someone who has the ability to see, feel and know beyond what the human eye and mind can perceive. Someone who has a special light within them that nurtures and cares for others at a deeper more profound level than the average human being is capable of. I'm slowly starting to learn that I fit the mold.
I was in my final semester of school. Not only was I working everyday, working on projects for school, being a full-time mother and friend....I was also learning that I needed a way to balance all of the tasks I was juggling before I completely lost my mind! I began watching Oprah's Lifeclass and Super Soul Sundays and found that meditation was a means of finding that balance. I will admit, its not the easiest thing to do when you have a million things on your mind. But with daily practice and stillness...I have mastered it. My practice in meditation brought about more patience, more understanding, more forgiveness, more love, more compassion...more of every good thing life has to offer. I began to have what I call Woosah Week. I would cut myself off from all communication with friends, no television, barely any technology....only me, myself and meditation. And lets just say...I am now fully tapping into the SOURCE. A great book I read during my first few weeks of meditation was - STILLNESS SPEAKS by Eckhart Tolle.
Yup...I was in school on top of a million other things in my life. The most important thing was to leave with my degree and some marketing work under my belt. I had been working in the insurance industry for almost 17 years and I knew I would need more marketing experience in order to make a 360 degree change in my career. In January I created an experiential marketing plan for the company I worked for, presented it to the corporate leaders...THEY LOVED IT...but said they werent going to be able to use the idea. While I was a little disappointed, that opportunity gave me the drive I needed to make the leap into marketing. So I interned my butt off for almost 8 months straight in order to build my resume. One thing Ive learned in life... YOU DONT GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU GET WHAT YOU PREPARE FOR.
My dog Chase...a 3 pound Yorkie... always at my feet, in my lap, sniffing my face and "protecting the house". I was in the middle of reading a book called FREQUENCY by Penny Pierce. She spoke about being able to sense and feel peoples vibrations and energy. Being able to detect it so you can respond/react in accordance with that energy to bring about positive outcomes. I never knew what the energy was that she spoke of until the day Chase passed away. I was so zoned into school work that day, I didnt hear him slip outside the door. Energy. Had I been fully present, I would have noticed that his energy was missing from the room. Energy. The empty feeling of having to pick his lifeless body up out of the road. Energy. My household has been missing something since he left and it still is. Energy.
Phew! I made it. I graduated with honors from the University of Tampa. I looked back at the past 2 years and wondered...HOW THE HELL DID I MAKE IT! Living on a part time income, managing my household, nurturing my kids, doing internships.... OMG! I freakin did it! I stepped out on faith one day. Sitting at my desk at work thinking...this cant be my life. The following day I was registering for school. And now, Im at the finish line. WOW! God can carry you through...all you have to do is release yourself from the fear, all the what-ifs, all of the negative thoughts and...TAKE THE FIRST STEP. I received a card from someone after I graduated that said "An educated black woman is the voice of her ancestors. She is the dream that rises from their souls." I truly believe they carried me through this, for without their struggles, I would not have had this opportunity. I am blessed abundantly.
I started realizing that my relationship with money was always a come-and-go situation. I watch the money come into my bank account and quickly go out of my hands to pay my bills. It dawned on me that my mentality about money was all wrong after hearing my spiritual adviser speak about financial success. I looked back and realized that I have been struggling with money since the day I graduated high school. Somewhere in my psyche I believed that I absolutely had to struggle because I was a single mother with a single income. That's what single mothers do right...struggle?? Somehow I convinced myself that my bi-weekly paycheck was the only way I could make money. Im smarter than that right?? Nope. I wasn't. Nobody had ever shown me the ways I could make my money work for me, especially when I was young (in my 20s). So I started trying to find ways to bring in extra income using my "talents". The best thing you can do for yourself is to USE YOUR GOD GIVEN TALENT...the money will soon come.
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I love traveling...without the kids. Lol But this time I decided to take them with me on a trip to Puerto Rico. It was Julion's birthday and we had a blast. During the trip I learned that it wasnt fair for me to go through my life soaking up the culture from other countries and not to share that with my children. THEIR LIVES NEED TO BE ENRICHED with these experiences too! Julion was preparing for his final year in high school and my gut was telling me to let him fly far far away...as far as he wanted. He needed to see new places, new people, new life. As we sat in a hammock on the beach of San Juan, PR, with our feet up, our eyes gazing at the sky, it finally settled in me that my little baby was going to be a man soon and it was time for me to let him flyyyyyyy.
August 23, 2012 - The day I finally chopped off my relaxed hair and began wearing my naturally curly/kinky coils. I thought my ego was going to spontaneously combust once it realized that my straight silky weave had been taken out and what was left of my relaxer was gone. But to my surprise, my ego didnt flinch. My pride was still in tact and my vanity seemed to be skipping around in joy. Me and my hair were finally happy. I decided to go natural after I had been burned pretty bad with a relaxer. I called myself giving my scalp and hair time to heal from the disaster and somehow it turned into my journey of going natural....A JOURNEY WELL WORTH TAKING. Its kind of amazing how healing takes place in many forms. My scalp was just a representation of my old wounds and current pains. I gave it time to heal and then cut away the remaining tattered ends to allow a stronger healthier strand of my life to grow.
...and I laughed. You know how sometimes you have to laugh just to keep from crying? Just to keep from having a complete melt down, you just laugh at the twisted irony that unfolds. That was me in September. Sitting on my couch laughing as they came and towed my car away...not just towed...REPOED! For 2 years I had been working part time and going to school full time. A major struggle indeed. I had been borrowing money from friends, taking out loans from my 401K and doing small marketing jobs just to keep my boat afloat. My credit went from really great to really horrible after the first year. Into the second year I was paying the bills that HAD TO be paid and "puttin somethin on" the rest of the bills. It was like holding up a mountain, trembling and shaking trying to hold it up until everything was done. As soon as I crossed the stage and got my degree...everything around me came crashing down. As I sat on the couch giggling.. I SAID THANK YOU. Ohhhh what a relief!! To no longer have that burden anymore. And then it hit me...what else was I trying to hold on to that made my struggle harder than it needed to be?? What else was I trying to salvage in a time when all I needed was the bare necessities?? It came to me - friends, my job, my so-called man, my pride. The real truth about hell breaking loose in your life is that you will either smolder in the ashes...or you will rise from them like a phoenix.
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So after getting my car repoed, I had another moment at my desk where something was pressing me to make a move. Not because I had my degree. Not because I wanted a career in marketing. Simply because I was no longer happy. I hadn't been happy there in years and I knew it. But you know how we are with our old fashioned thinking..."If you have a good job, you stay because good jobs are hard to come by". Unfortunately my relationship with my job was like a dying relationship with a man. He's a good guy, pays the bills on time but you're simply not in love him anymore. The thrill was gone. Not to mention that the same company who said they wouldn't use my marketing idea back in January ended up using the idea in July and then sending me a $2 sippy cup in September as a form of their gratitude. Seeing how I spent the last two years allowing God to lead my path. I listened when he told me it was time to go..and after 17 years....I left in October. Funny thing about FAITH...IT MAKES YOU FEARLESS. I took flight and never looked back!
The year moved pretty quickly. By November I had gotten my degree, lost my car and left my job. As soon as I left my job... marketing work came pouring in and opportunities came knocking on my door. The road bump I had hit back in September was proving to be a necessary part of my forward progression. Things were rapidly getting better and better in my life and my spirit said STOP! So I did. In the middle of everything going great...I went on a 21 day stillness fast in order to observe my new life and where I was headed. I had to align my way of thinking, acting, and being with the path that was beginning to unfold in my life. The more still I was, the more things fell into place. People were coming into my life that are surely going to be pivotal in helping catapult me and my career into a successful future. Most of all I learned a wonderful new word from Deepak Chopra - SYNCHRODESTINY - which means harnessing the power of everyday coincidences to help you realize your long held dreams. What I know now...Nothing is a coincidence when it comes to my dreams! Im getting EXACTLY what Ive been preparing for.
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| No Single Raindrop Believes It Is To Blame For The Flood |
What I learned this year is this: I will no longer hold myself responsible for the insecurities, iniquities and insufficient self-esteem of others. Ive spent a great part of my life pacifying and trying to fix things for other people and their lives. The time Ive spent doing that has distracted me from my path on many levels. Dont get me wrong... I truly am a light worker. But what I know is that people will continue to obsessively repeat patterns in their lives until THEY CHOOSE to release themselves. Nothing I say or do will change those patterns. I can only offer my advice and possible solutions and then set it free. I can only pray for people and do what is within my means to help. A part of releasing myself from old patterns is to allow people to be EXACTLY who they are without trying to fix them or change them. Unconditional love and understanding is all they truly need. That is the only thing I am responsible for...loving people beyond any limit. The only thing that I VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE to give of myself is.....Love.
2013 is just an extension of past years and past lives that I have lived. It is not a "new year" to do or start anything over that hasn't already begun in my life. Its merely another threshold that is being crossed like many more to come throughout the years. I look forward to sharing my blog and hearing your comments and sharing my SELF with you through my Voluntary Vulnerability.
Thanks to NatalieCeleste for inspiring me to start my Vlog :)
